Photos to enjoy...

We (Aimee, Ben and I) are enjoying our stay at Coconut Grove, but we'd still all reather be at home. However, we are making the best of it...and it's not hard to do here.

So, while we await news on the embassy front, I thought I'd share some photos!

This shows you why packing with L is a bit challenging (when there is no place for her to be but on the bed - where one is trying to pack). She likes to roll around on the bed gathering items around her body as she goes. This was taken the night before we left Accra for Coconut Grove.

And here she is at Coconut Grove hangin' with her Ma in a makeshift "playpen" of sorts. (I sit in that chair right beside hers and make sure she doesn't keel over the side.)

It also makes a nice sleeping spot - and don't you love her awesome batik "blanket"?:

Here is our bungalow, the white one with the double arches in the middle of the photo. Yes, it is truly in a coconut grove complete with falling coconuts. No, they don't issue hard hats when you check in. I wonder if many guests have been hit by falling coconuts.

And here is the view down the beach. It is just magnificent scenery. The ocean is really churning this week as there are a series of storms coming across the African continent just south of Ghana. They are passing across the Gulf of Guinea (on which Ghana sits) and giving us some impressive surf. I could really sit and watch it for hours, which is good since that is what I've done the last couple days.

The Unexpected Lent

This year's liturgical seasons have managed to catch me offguard. I tried to skip Advent, Christmas was a blur, and Epiphany was spent preparing for and traveling to Africa. The cycle has rolled on to Lent and again I'm caught unprepared. I mean - even this post is a few weeks late!

So, here I am in Africa.

About a week ago, I realized that this has been a Lenten journey, and in fact will most likely be a journey of just over 40 days: a time of prayer, fasting, and deprivation, but also of the joys of doing without and reliance on God's grace. A time of seeing how the majority of the world lives (seeing it, not truly experiencing it). A time of feeling far, far from "home" - spiritually and physically. A time of realizing that I really don't have as much control over my life as I'd like to think.

Early on we learned about the general African meal plan options: "010" (only a mid-day meal), "001" (only an evening meal), and "101" (breakfast and dinner). The heat saps your energy mid-day and seems to drain your appetite with it. So, we found ourselves suddenly on the "101" meal plan for quite a few weeks. Eventually, we managed to switch it up a bit, but eating more than two good meals still feels a little extravagant. If anything a very light lunch (of plantain chips or nuts and dried fruit) seems to do us just fine. I realized, "Hey, I'm fasting."

Everyday is a question as to what services we will have - will there be adequate water to bathe or do laundry? Will the internet (our vital and only connection with home) be operating? How about electricity - will it go out intermittently today? This last one is the least of our worries as travelers - most good hotels have back-up generators, so really, we haven't gone without electricity for more than a fifteen minutes or so. But it is disconcerting to wait and hope the generator does kick in...especially when sitting at a dining table in the pitch black! We are learning to do without something each day. And truly, these are minor situations. Well, maybe not the water when it is the 3rd day in a row with no real bath (remember we spend most of our days hot and sweaty unless we spend the entire day in our rooms which is miserable).

I've been challenged by wondering how much I really trust God to work out this situation. I know that he can...but waiting on his timing is difficult, especially when I see my kids getting more and more desperate to have their family reunited...and now that hubby is finally home, seeing my sweetheart having to deal with all the "catch up" of us being gone a month.

I've also learned a lot about how quickly I disintegrate into pessimism when the roadblocks begin to mount - of course that might be exacerbated by homesickness, cabin fever, and cultural adjustments.

We've done without so many things that make us feel comfortable and "at home": internet, freedom to come and go as we please, clean and crisp clothes (let's talk about how lovely a dryer is and how it nicely re-tightens fabric stretched out by humidity and sweat), and reliably getting what you want to eat or drink (I don't mean filet mignon here, I mean things like: coffee or a nice over-easy egg).

I don't mean to kvetch here - there have been many bright spots, just as there are in Lent. I've gotten to spend a month here with hubby getting to know our new daughter. We've also developed a friendship (tested by fire, trust me) with the other adoptive parents. This will be wonderful for both girls as they grow up. And now with Erik back home, I get a little more one-on-one time with L. It is hard at times (like when I MUST hold her while I'm trying to wash my hair in the tub...do laundry in the sink...get dressed, etc), but I think (and have been reassured) that I will look back on these days as a "blip". Or maybe a "bleeeeeeeeeep" - just a tad longer than a blip.

I've also discovered that having hours to sit and ponder doesn't necessarily help me gather my thoughts...so please forgive me if this is disjointed. It is what it is. I feel out of sorts and it is evident in this post, is it not?

Blessed Lent to you all - include our family in your prayers, if you are inclined! Specifically, that we would be uneventfully reunited on March 20th!


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African Adventure Update

Baby L after her bath

Well, our two week adoption trip has turned into a month and will probably be another two weeks - if everything goes well. If not, it could be longer. It's a bit crazy, but we are all OK. Truly, I do feel the end is in sight...but I'm also keeping in mind that there could be further roadblocks.

I hate that Erik's 12 weeks of paternity leave will be half over when we get home (if we get home in two weeks), but I'm thankful that he has had it. Our friends here adopting with us do not really have paid leave. Every week means less time they can afford to spend at home with their daughter. And while they are doing good bonding here, it isn't the same as being at home.

Here's where we are: On Monday, we had our interview for the L's visa (and the other baby, too) at the Embassy and it did not go very well. The embassy has given us more hoops to jump through, for things (documentation-wise) that have been acceptable before, and now, are suddenly not acceptable. What's worse, we were treated poorly and there were insinuations of wrong-doing on our part (and the family traveling with us), or on the part of those assisting us.

There is some backstory here which we are trying to figure out, but basically, there have been some issues in an orphanage up North that have alerted the authorities...not orphanages our agencies work with. In order to be extra vigilant, the US Embassy has changed their requirements for documentation for adoption visas...we are just caught in the middle of that change. Our paperwork is clean and solid, but we just need a bit more of it.

One of the agency directors(Jen Press of Partners for Adoptions) (it is a two agency-partner-program) is here in country and has done tons of work on our behalf (and the program's) with the Embassy...including an hour long meeting yesterday to clarify the process/documentation as it now stands. She was able to reassure us that the embassy does not think we have done anything wrong (although that is NOT the impression they gave us), they just need to make sure all the "i"s are dotted and "t"s crossed. Our agency director (Robin Sizemore of Hopscotch Adoptions) has been working equally hard with some higher ups in the Department of State stateside.

In order to complete the extra documentation, the bio-moms need to get passports, which is currently in process and takes about 5 business days to complete. In order to get these passports, they need birth certificates. For people living hand-to-mouth in a "shelter" made from scrap lumber and metal, this is not an easy request. However, our in-country facilitator has been working really hard to help them with this. Once the passports are done, the bio-moms will need to appear at the embassy and we will be issued the babies' visas. With the passport process, reinterviewing at the embassy and a minimum of 24 hours to process the visa, we expect to have the visa on or around March 17th/18th - and we could travel on the 18th or 20th. Since that is still 2 weeks out, we've decided the best thing is for Erik to travel home while to be with the kids and I stay on in Ghana to wait for the visa.

So, Erik has returned to the States (he arrived last night, Friday, March 6th). All the remaining adoption families are heading back out to Coconut Grove to wait out the visa process! I feel MUCH better knowing the kids will have Daddy back soon. :) And the kids are THRILLED now that they know he's going to be home so soon! (Thanks for letting us be the ones to give the news.)

Pray for safe travel for Erik back to the States and all the families heading to the beach (the road can be a bit crazy here)...and for the passports not to be delayed...and for the visas to be issued quickly (if they are issued on the 17th, we can fly the 18th...otherwise the next flight is the 20th)...oh, and my 10 hour flight with L on my lap...LOL!

Tomorrow morning we head over to Coconut Grove in Elmina, Ghana. You can google that and see what we have to look forward to! It isn't fancy by American standards, but it is really very beautiful and quite comfortable. Shoot - Will Smith has visited, so you know it's good! :)

The first seven days in Ghana, West Africa

While in Ghana, my husband kept a diary quite faithfully. Now that he is home and I'm still here, it is my turn to be the journal keeper. Here are some quick (and not so quick) thoughts on the first seven days of our journey to bring L home.

Day One
We met our traveling mates and fellow adoptive parents in the JFK airport. They are really friendly folks and I think we will get along well. We are quite different - east coast vs. west coast, southerners vs. californians, conservatives vs. liberals...but we have lots of common ground, too!

When we descend the stairwell from the plane I become aware immediately of the heat (it is barely 10am). Yep, this is Africa. We walk across the tarmac (looks like all flights do this - no "gates") and enter under a big "AKWAABA" sign. There is a little AC running as we enter....but soon we realize that will be it while we are in the airport. I guess they want to make a good impression...or they want to cool us off from our hot trudge across the tarmac? After standing in the warm and stuffy baggage claim area, I think the AC would be better appreciated there!

Outside the airport we walk a gauntlet of brown, black and tan faces. Luckily, we quickly meet our driver and we head out to the cars. Everyone looks on at us...some carry signs bearing the names of other passengers, some smile and say "hello", most just stare. Finally we see a sign for us: Branches of the Vine, Dio of Accra...our friends from Ghana are here! They've been waiting in this hot crowd for our airplane for a couple hours, I'm sure. Hugs and introductions all around then we continue out to the cars.

As we walk, there are "generous" offers of help, rides, information...we've been warned though that these always come with a hefty price tag. In fact, we ignore most of them, but they still persist in following us to the cars. They attempt to help us put bags in the car, but our driver tells them we don't need help. They try again to help by directing us out of our spot...and then comes the pitch to our driver for cash. Wow - pretty bold. I'm not sure what he says to them...but I'm sure it was along the lines of "Get Lost".

We zip through crowded, busy, bustling streets - vendors, tro-tros, street sellers all hustling to make some cash. The streets are dirty and as we drive along we get small glimpses of the life of the poor in the big city: living with no sanitation, no electricity (or what can be hobbled together), no running water, no trash pick up, no refrigeration, etc in a ramshackle lean-to. The people who live in these areas seem to have showed up, rummaged around for scrap wood and somehow put together some sort of shelter. They live and work all in the same area.

We arrive exhausted at our guest house. Dump bags, try to freshen up a bit, and head back out into the hot traffic to go meet our daughter.

We've just met these people and yet we are crammed in the back seat of a sedan - sticky, sweaty bodies smashed together for a 45 minute drive through a fumey, smokey, humid city.

Our driver entertains us with parables and proverbs...and lots of laughter. We arrive at the church/orphanage and are met with many stares from groups of people scattered around the "yard" doing various tasks (talking, washing, selling, etc). We are ushered into a low-building and seated in a large "sitting room". Two young ladies come in with bundles on their backs. I barely even realize it when the one of them approacehs me and gracefully bends down to release the baby from her wrap. The next thing I know she has placed a slightly-built, large-eyed, ill-dressed baby girl in my arms. Sister Juliette (the head of the church and orphanage) says, "This is your baby." But I knew that already...she looks just like her photo. The girls leave the room before I can even look at their faces...or maybe I was just so transfixed by my daughter's.

We spend an hour or so with Juliette learning a little about her and her church/orphanage. She shows us how she feeds them and puts them to sleep. Poor L is a bit traumatized by the feeding she is given. Seems she does not take a bottle and has to be cup fed "African style" - which involves plugging her nose so that she must take in a breath through her mouth...then the cup is quickly poured. I wonder how often babies fed this way inhale their formula and develop pneumonia? But I also know that a child that doesn't eat will die here...and that trumps a number of things in an orphanage.

Back at our guest house, both families retire to their rooms worn out and ready for sleep. I spend an hour or so with L gently introducing the bottle with silliness and games. She manages to take a couple of ounces and we are all thrilled. We have a long way to go, though.

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7 Quick Takes: Stuck in Africa!

Our 2 week adoption trip has turned into what will most likely be a 6 week adventure...if I'm lucky - and thus, the theme of my 7 quick takes today.

One
It is truly amazingly hot here. Really - like Africa hot. Even though the temperatures are not exceedingly higher than what we experience at home in North Carolina, the sun is much stronger and the heat is unrelenting. While here, I've realized that while it gets hot at home, we don't really have to deal with it as much at home - all our stores are air conditioned, our cars are air conditioned, and we have whole house air conditioning (not just a room or two).

Two
The past 4 weeks we have had to live day in and day out with a great deal of uncertainty: when would we get our approval, when would we get our visa (still a question), will there be electricity tonight, will there be water to take a bath or do laundry tomorrow, will our food arrive in the next hour, and so on. It teaches you to make do and live without holding too tightly to your own schedule.

Three
There are many sides to life in Ghana today. We've seen the extreme poverty that one often imagines in Africa, stayed in an area of lower to middle class apartments (our first guest house), currently staying in an upper middle class area (our second guest house), and we will soon enjoy another visit to Coconut Grove and its "upperclass" treatment. While there are areas that have no basic services (water, electricity, etc) within the city and outlying areas, there is also a very nice, modern, western-style mall. It is a culture of contrasts as it grows and strives to become a successful African democracy.

Four
The local cuisine is really delicious - at least to me! I'm a fairly adventurous eater, so others may not feel the same way...but I've enjoyed it all: Banku and Okra Stew, Jollof Rice, Red Red, Piri Piri, and LOTS of good fresh fish.

Five
"Obruni" - wow, who knew we'd get so much attention as "white people" (that is what "Obruni" means). The white mamas and black babies cause a big stir wherever we go. It is good natured curiousity usually, but the staring and pointing and shouting of "Obruni" is tiresome after a while. It is hard to be "on display" and watched so much. It is part of international adoption (and transracial adoption) to suddenly be "conspicuous", but that is all the more so here!

Six
The longer I stay here, the more I want to come back...but only so long as I can leave when I want to! We've had some major hurdles getting L's visa (and the other family traveling with us and adopting a similarly aged baby have, too). While I respect and appreciate the US's desire to make sure all adoptions are "clean", there is some disrespect being shown by the US Embassy for Ghanaian government's ability to do this in ways that make sense within their culture and legal system. I may post more about this when I return home as it is a long and involved story. We do believe that once our birth mothers' passports are completed (should be in 5 business days), we will be able to complete the US Embassy's requirements for evidence and we will recieve our visas! AND WE CAN GO HOME!

Seven
Thankfully, hubby has gone ahead and headed home to be with our other three kids. A month is just too long to be away...at least unexpectedly. I feel so much better knowing he'll be there soon. We expect that I'll have L's visa in about 10-12 days and should be able to leave on March 18th or 20th - depending on when we get the visa in hand. I'm not really looking forward to the 10 hour flight with my wiggly (she's amazingly strong and squirmy!) baby on my lap. But we'll manage!

Today is Ghana's Independence Day. I'm hanging out with L (who is having her morning nap - the only way I can manage any typing!) with the Independence Day ceremonies on the television. The uniforms make me wilt just looking at them.


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Hello from Accra, Ghana!

We are sweating it out in Accra! You've never really experienced heat until you've driven half an hour in a hot, cramped taxi in a fumey city, with a wiggly, sweaty baby on your lap...LOL!

I'll post more about our trip here, it has been a good one, but with some downs, too. The best thing, though, is that we have our new daughter and she is doing great! Want pictures?

Uploading is slow, so here is a favorite one until we get home...

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We've got her!

Here we are in Ghana! And here is our dear L:




Isn't she a cutie pie? She's making great progress in so many areas - and really beginning to show a distinct preference and reliance on Erik and I. My favorite thing is her silly grin - always with that little tongue sticking out! Oh, and her squeals of laughter!
We've had our first visit to the embassy (to submit our i600) and now we wait for our visa interview. While we wait we are enjoying Accra.
Sunday we went to church at our Bishop's cathedral (Cathedral of the Holy Trinity - Accra). Monday we had a late lunch out at a local restaurant that gets rave reviews for "western" food (well deserved reviews - we had AWESOME cheeseburgers!). On Tuesday, Erik and I made an outing to an internet cafe. (I know that sounds minor, but come to Accra - with a baby and you'll understand what a major outing that was!) Yesterday, we had a big adventure by hiring a taxi to take us up to the University of Ghana for a look at the Archeological Department museum. Today, we took L to a health clinic to get her last round of vaccinations before she leaves the country. Tomorrow is Friday and our facilitator tells us a bad day for traffic in Accra, so we are sticking close to home, or rather guest house.
We hope to make it out to do some bead and fabric shopping this weekend...and then a trip out of the city into the countryside.
Pray for a speedy processing of L's visa!

We are very shortly off to meet our daughter. Before we know it, we'll be bringing her home. So many of you have shared this journey with us and I know you are anxious to meet her - and hold her and love on her! We are just thrilled that there are so many around us who love her.

There are some things you'll need to know before we get home. As an adopted child, she'll need lots of time to develop her attachement to us, her parents. It may see odd (especially if you compare it to how parents handle a birth child), but we will for some time need to keep her very close to us - physically and literallly. We will also need to be the only ones who feed her or do any "caretaking" for sometime. These are the things that are part of the attachment cycle for an infant.

If everything goes well, she'll get a good start on the attachement process and then will be able to begin meeting lots of new people- and learning that they can take care of her, too (but that Mom and Dad are the main people). We don't know how long that will take, but it is of utmost importance that she has all the time she needs to get bonded to us.

We also have to keep in mind that she is facing so many changes (sights, smells, tastes, sounds, etc) that we need to keep her world as calm as we can - limiting new experiences until she gets used to just everyday life with us. It may be some time before we are able to really take her "out in the world", and even then it will be limited.

We know all this seems a bit odd, but we've learned through our adoptive parent training how vitally important it is for her long-term health.

From the website Af3verFamily.org - lots of great articles and info for adoptive families and their families and friends. Here's a great list of Do's and Don'ts:

Dos & Don’ts for Family & Friends of Adoptive Parents

Do
1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.

2. Trust the mother’s instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to “normal” behavior.

3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.

4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.

5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby’s world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.

6. Tell the baby every time you see her what a good/loving/safe mommy she has.

7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child’s home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)

8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like she really wants to be with Grandma, for example, she needs to have a strong attachment to her parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not “attached” can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents’ requests.

9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!

Don’t
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.

2. Underestimate a new mother’s instincts that something isn’t right.

3. Judge the mother’s parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

4. Make excuses for the child’s behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors “normal”. For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.

5. Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.

6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child’s experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.

7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn’t understand…after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.

8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time she cries because it will spoil her. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time she cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of her and always keep her safe.

9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.

10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.

Last day...

- Purchase dog food and cat food - CHECK
- Deliver dogs, crates, food, leads to friends' house - CHECK
- Drop return to Lands End (via Sears) - CHECK
- Enjoy a Starbucks and a croissant - CHECK (hehehe)
- Contact info packages mailed to Mom and friend - CHECK
- Purchase Valentine's Day cards and mail to family - CHECK
- Purchase some extra batteries for camera - CHECK
- Iron and starch my "dressy" linen jacket (just in case we need to dress up) - CHECK
- Clean bathrooms, vacuum & dust, put away laundry - CHECK
- Get cash for trip - CHECK
- Clean kitchen (dishes washed, sink scrubbed, trash out) - CHECK
- Clean out the fridge
- Paint my toe nails (one must have their priorities!) - CHECK
- Enjoy a "date" with hubby (no movie - but a yummy dinner out at our favorite mexican place) - CHECK
- Suitcases in car - CHECK

We are ready to get up in the morning and go! Just ignore the current weather forecast for Charlotte - pray it doesn't delay our flight.

2 days to go...

Well, today was a good day!

Neither Erik nor I slept well last night (from about 4am on we both tossed and turned...just so much to be thinking about right now). So, when it was time to get up for church, well, I really wanted to just stay in bed and have a lazy morning. While I love my church, sometimes I'm more tired after a long morning at church. But, Erik managed to get me out of bed by bribing me with Starbucks. (One of the perks about our church's current temporary location - we are right next to a Starbucks!) And you know what - church was wonderful and I came home filled up and ready to go!

Our congregation prayed us off on our trip and it was wonderful to get so many hugs and words of encouragement. I know I'm biased, but our "little" church is really a fantastic example of the Body of Christ - so much love and support!

We got to talk to the kids by SKYPE today - and they are all enjoying their first day with Uncle Peter and Aunt Karen. It was good to see them and hear them - especially after we both noted how QUIET the house is. :)

This afternoon we finished our packing. Other than last-minute items like cosmetics and computer, we are all packed! Our large suitcase is stuffed, but still under the weight limit. Whew! We also rearranged the Master to fit in a "Co-Sleeper" right by our bed for L. She'll need to stay close by at night for a while until she has become comfortable and assured that we will be there when she wakes up. I'll probably have her nap in her regular crib so that she'll get used to that bed, too.

Tomorrow, we drop the dogs at a friends' house and have a few errands to run (some items to get in the mail), clean up the house...and then maybe, just maybe, we'll catch a movie in the afternoon. Our last "date" for a while, I guess.